Some Love

The truth

Lies somewhere in the middle

Let me find that place

Between what I want

And what you want

Between

All wanting

*

Beyond that

*

Beyond fear

Beyond rage

Beyond hopelessness

Or complacency

Beyond even

A sense of urgency to fix what is broken

What is un-healed

*

Beyond that

Or maybe underneath it

Let me sit with you

Hold your hand

And just feel what is

*

What is

Right now

And now

And now

*

Take Refuge

 

Today, I am thinking about what “refuge” is – beyond the physical experience of being sheltered from danger.

I am thinking about spiritual refuge.  Soul refuge.

Buddhists take refuge in the Buddha.

Christians take refuge in Christ.

I take refuge in my Gurus.

Upon contemplation of Him or Her, I dissolve

and I am held.

I feel both sheltered and annihilated, and somehow

this feels like the sweetest kind of safety

when my “self” isn’t running the show anymore.

In this space of “non-self” I feel the bubbling nature of my refuge.

It is Alive!

And curious….

And everywhere…..

It exists in the broken places,

where the gears have been grinding,

where conflict appears.

It exists in the limitations,

the brick walls and closed doors –

telling us to find another way!

It exists in the desire and the pining and the want –

the pleasure and the pain of being contained in a body,

experiencing ourselves as seemingly separate from all the other creatures.

It exists in heartbreak and misfortune – these things tearing us down to a simplified awareness of what we are made of.

And we, when we are not in a position of seeking physical refuge

from abuse

terrorism

natural disaster

politico-economic upheaval

we may find a thousand ways to perpetuate our own suffering, running away from

refuge

But by miracles I do not understand,

slices of grace are being offered constantly,

when we open the door to the One who is knocking.

It doesn’t have to be God

or Jesus

or Buddha

or a Guru

It can be the spacious kindness within your own sweet self.

Take refuge there.

Love from that place.

*

 

 

Addiction to Stress

I am chronically late.  I was even born two weeks late.  It is a flaw in my DNA, for sure.  I’m not trying to be rude.  I’m not trying to control other people by making them wait for me.  I am being selfish with my time, and reluctant to enter the whirling speed of the world, yes – I admit to that.  My speed is island-time, Solana time, roly-poly puppy time.  Forgive me!

The younger son teases me and says I’m going to be late to my own funeral.

But I’m realizing, although I’m a peaceful woman, my pathetic time-management skills have something to do with my own version of stress addiction….

As humans, we seek stress.  We crave the adrenaline, the cortisol, the inflammation response.  We crave the irritation, the distraction, the “What the FUCK?!” feeling.  Give it to me.  I want it/need it/got to have it.

So many ways to fulfill our addiction to stress.

The things that gives us a rush….

Do we really want to give them up???

Somewhere inside of us (I’m not the only one), a little maniac is freaking out – screaming “Stop me!”

And once in a while, or as often as we like, we can breathe deeply into that tumultuous chaos, and we can give it the break it is begging for.

Stress wants more stress.  It doesn’t want to die.  But what it “needs” is a break.  Longer and longer breaks, and someday maybe a permanent vacation.

Instead of banishing stress and punishing stress, we can reassure it that we are okay without it, and we can hand it that ticket to paradise.  Be sure to wave goodbye with love, for if it senses you are missing its company, it will come running back to fill your false needs and set both your nervous and endocrine systems out of whack.

As in everything, as always, we remain at choice.

Like me, for example.  I can stay set in my chronically-late ways as long as it takes.  I can blunder about, fighting with Time and plying myself with guilt for my addiction to tardiness.  But whenever I’m ready, I can allow Time to take my hand and teach me how to waltz.  Giving myself space between obligations.  Developing a willingness to be early. Drinking the moments in and finding the pause.  Letting go of the need to rush.

Anything can happen….

Now excuse me, I need to hurry up to get to yoga class!