The Kindness of the Supreme Being

 

The Supreme Being exists ceaselessly, in all things.

The seed of potential for Self-Realization exists in each one of us, relentlessly.

The seed of Bliss.

The seed of Peace.

The seed of Love.

The Supreme Being IS the True Self.

Formless, Ageless, Genderless, Deathless…

Omnipotent and Omniscient.

So many of us are trained from a young age, whether from our families or society at large, that God’s omniscience means that we should feel shame, guilt and fear for our humanness, our mistakes, our “bad” thoughts and behaviors.  Kind of like the old-school Santa story: “He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake.  He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!”  I know I’m not alone when I say that the words to this common Christmas song are pretty creepy, and they give the idea of “omniscience” a bad rep.

Let’s get over the old-school Santa-God story, and step into the light.

The Supreme Being is All-Knowing, All-Seeing, Ever-Present, Self-Existent.

The Supreme Being exists in a state of Kindness beyond our comprehension.

If anyone has had experiences with Angels, or dreams with Angels, or are curious if you have (you probably have) – you will recognize them by their kindness.  The energy of an Angel is completely accepting and supportive.  Angels are masters of alchemy; an Angel can sit with you in your deepest pain and transform it into Love.  Angels are teachers and protectors.  Angels carry the message of Cosmic Bliss, and our hearts are filled with joy, humor and pleasure in their presence.

Angels are like tentacles for God.

Call It by any Name.

Just as all rivers lead back to the Ocean, all Names will bring us to the Source of our awareness, the Supreme Being.

*

The Supreme Being is flooding through the hands and hearts of the ones wearing white helmets in Aleppo. 

God’s love is like this – going into all the places where no one else can or will.

The Supreme Being exists in a state of perfect compassion with the women and girls who are choosing death instead of rape and brutality.

The Supreme Being is shooting rays of hope out of the eyes of small children, hungry and traumatized, staring into the lens of a camera with curiosity and wonder – sending a message to all of humanity via the world wide web.

The Supreme Being exists behind my crumbling heart, as I know not what to do.

As I am constantly reminded so deeply that “my” suffering is a story that is being unraveled, unveiled and unencumbered from my soul.  The wheel of Karma that I have been riding is the same wheel that we all ride on, and the only way to change the fate is to stop telling the story of suffering.

That doesn’t mean stop thinking about it.

Don’t watch the news.

Go numb.

No…

My loves, dear hearts.

Tell a different story with me.

Put on your white helmet.

Be the Angel.

Don’t give up on anyone.

Don’t give up on ANYONE.

Life is too short for anything but loving.

*

The story is always unraveling,

unraveling as we tell it.

Breathe in.

Receive.

Breathe out.

Release.

May your heart be pierced like a pearl on the string of God’s necklace.

Namaste.

*

 

Darshan

The face of God looked at me last Saturday.

She was leaving the hall around 2 a.m.  I rushed to stand behind a woman with her baby – what luck because Amma is drawn to babies, and She (of course) walked over and wrestled with his cheeks, giving him love.  The word “Ma” quietly escaped my lips, and that’s when She looked at me, taking me in.  Her face looked youthful and bright with wide eyes.  Her face appeared to elongate as if mirroring my face – I know that sounds strange and even self-absorbed, but I have also felt and seen a mirror reflection when looking at the face of Jesus as replicated from the Shroud of Turin.  God’s face is every face.  Every single face.

God is our true nature, and truly every being contains the inner guru.  As we sort out our karma and seek to live out our dharma, the true nature resides ceaselessly in us and as us.  But there are also Those who come as a Gift.  They contain no trappings of ego or karma.  They are fully liberated.  The pull to love and serve is so strong that they come to show the endless power that love is, the endless power that we are when we surrender to it.

Looking into the face of God is looking into Moksha, supreme liberation.

I received darshan twice over the weekend.  The first night I placed a garland upon Her shoulders and then wept in Her arms like a small child, clinging to Ma.  The next night I waited until 6:30 a.m. to go up for darshan.  It was the spacious time after completing Archana (chanting the 1,000 of the Divine Mother).  The line up to the stage was thinning, and there was a quiet stillness like pregnant moments, even as people talked and music continued.  I got in line, taking the last chair and showing the person with a green scarf the lettered token I’d been carrying.  I shyly kept my Jap Ji book wrapped in a scarf on my lap as I moved through the musical chairs that is the line taking you all the way up to Amma’s arms.

When I was placed in front of Her, I offered up the book while lowering my head.  She quickly handed it to one of Her attendants without giving it any attention, and immediately pulled me close to Her, wrapping me in Her embrace, turning my head one way, then the other, repeating in my ear the words She began telling me last year: “Mah Dohh-Tah, Mah Dohh-Tah, Mah Dohh-Tah” – Her accented way of calling me Her daughter, Her daughter, Her daughter.

Lifetimes of karma are lifted by Amma’s embrace.

I replay Her voice in my head.  I replay Her embrace.  I long to be held in Her arms again.  I long to offer Her all of me.  All of this self-identification.  All of this love.  All of this karma.  All of this beauty, darkness and light.  Everything ugly, everything I hide.  Everything I remember and everything I have forgotten.  I wash this entire being that I am in Amma’s love.  I am dough, I am clay, I soften.

*

But the high from Amma’s love is not static or permanent.  I’ve had a very hard week, full of horrible feelings and emotional turmoil.  I have felt a stark sense of loss. Am I grieving the death of false beliefs and conceptions?  Unfriendly thoughts stampede through my mind, stronger than ever before it seems.  They are like monsters, revealing the ugly faces of jealousy, fear, disappointment, anger, loss, grief.  Why now?

The monster remains in my reflection.  The ego is planted firmly within my consciousness.

These stories, these fantasies, these nightmares – all of these illusions are in my way, like leftover rubble after an earthquake.  Broken, of no use, but still there all the same.  The mind wanders away from truth, seeking shadows, seeking the familiar.

I am so very human, so very low of thought so much of the time.  Can I face the light?  Can I let all of this hideousness be seen?

FACE THE LIGHT
LET IT BURN “YOU” AWAY

ALL OF YOUR NOTIONS, ALL OF YOUR TENDENCIES TO JUDGE AND SEPARATE

“GOOD” AND “BAD” EXIST SIMULTANEOUSLY AND EFFORTLESSLY

IT ALL EXISTS, ALL OF THE TIME, AND MEANWHILE, IN THE CENTER OF TRUTH IS PERFECT LOVE

PERFECT ACCEPTANCE

PERFECT FORGIVENESS

PERFECT UNDERSTANDING

PERFECT PEACE

*

Call it Grace, call it Allah.

Call it Jesus, Shiva, Ram.

Call it Ma.

Call it anything that makes sense to you.

“It” contains everything.

Everything is enervated and alive by the power of “It”.

So, what is it that we are trying to control?

What is it that we are trying to kill?

What is it that divides me or you or anyone from seeing each other as we truly are – as stardust, God-dust, exquisitely unique formations of the Divine?

What else is there to know?

*

The darshan continues.

Through service to others.  Through connections and synchronicities.  Through the light in your eyes.  Through my smile.  Through honesty, however uncomfortable.  Through silence and listening.  Through tears and falling apart.  Through the gritty and uncomfortable, through the resistance, through the shadow dance.

Everything becomes the darshan.  Every face is God.  This greater reality is ever-present, so sublime we don’t see it.  In fact, often we run in the opposite direction from truth, biting hooks, chasing karma.  When will it stop?  When will “we” stop?

Amma gives a key.  She is not the first realized being to manifest in a human body.  She won’t be the last.  The key is your birthright.  Anyone can access it.

I’m less tormented today.  My shadows appear a little smaller, more like wild animals that I am learning to care for.  I have begun to think of my firmly-planted ego as my pet cactus.  It is so prickly, it doesn’t need much watering, but it is still my plant to care for.  And inside, cut open, even the cactus has something wonderful to offer.  The guru is everywhere.

I walk slowly today.

Sweeping the floor of my heart.

Opening the windows of my mind.

Letting in the air that is Shakti.

Namaste.

*

 

Take Refuge

 

Today, I am thinking about what “refuge” is – beyond the physical experience of being sheltered from danger.

I am thinking about spiritual refuge.  Soul refuge.

Buddhists take refuge in the Buddha.

Christians take refuge in Christ.

I take refuge in my Gurus.

Upon contemplation of Him or Her, I dissolve

and I am held.

I feel both sheltered and annihilated, and somehow

this feels like the sweetest kind of safety

when my “self” isn’t running the show anymore.

In this space of “non-self” I feel the bubbling nature of my refuge.

It is Alive!

And curious….

And everywhere…..

It exists in the broken places,

where the gears have been grinding,

where conflict appears.

It exists in the limitations,

the brick walls and closed doors –

telling us to find another way!

It exists in the desire and the pining and the want –

the pleasure and the pain of being contained in a body,

experiencing ourselves as seemingly separate from all the other creatures.

It exists in heartbreak and misfortune – these things tearing us down to a simplified awareness of what we are made of.

And we, when we are not in a position of seeking physical refuge

from abuse

terrorism

natural disaster

politico-economic upheaval

we may find a thousand ways to perpetuate our own suffering, running away from

refuge

But by miracles I do not understand,

slices of grace are being offered constantly,

when we open the door to the One who is knocking.

It doesn’t have to be God

or Jesus

or Buddha

or a Guru

It can be the spacious kindness within your own sweet self.

Take refuge there.

Love from that place.

*

 

 

Lilith (Shapeshifter)

 

“Before there was Eve, there was Lilith.

She rose out of the dust, the thought erupting in the mind of God. 

Form.  Gender.  Yin.

She rose next to Adam. 

Form.  Gender.  Yang.

The eternal fire was born.

But although Adam and Lilith channeled elemental love and desire, they also channeled the primal conflict of domination and submission.  Lilith refused to submit.  And Adam didn’t like that.  Or so it is recorded time and again.  Numerous records say this is all about her unwillingness to lie beneath him, in so many words.  The patriarchy tells a story in which a woman demanding equality (sexually, intellectually, in all forms of power) is unacceptable.  Adam’s love for Lilith became twisted and fear-based, and his passion turned into a need for control.  Maybe there is another expression of Adam that has not been told….I truly hope so.”

The old woman closed her eyes in a moment of silent prayer, then continued:

“Lilith inherently understood that nothing and no one can be owned, only perceived and experienced for the moments we are given.  But she was thousands of years ahead of her time.

Her only choice was escape.  Like the Phoenix, Lilith freed herself in remembrance and self-realization…returning to the eternal source.  One can liken this source to the void from which creation is spawned, the black hole at the center of every galaxy, the womb of the universe.

In her awakening, Lilith saw the grand design of existence that was yet to come.  She kept her identity, not as density in a body, but as spirit.  She became everything imaginable that a woman can be.

Yes, everything.

Some legends tell us that Lilith became Queen of the Underworld, birthing all the demon children to begin the realms of Hell.  She is the Succubus and the Siren, the Wanton Temptress, the Evil Witch.  She is ecstatic, she is crazy, she is fearless and relentless.  She is everything both desired and hated.

The message given is to fear her and despise her.  Blame her for all your bad luck.  Protect yourself from her knocking at the door of your knowing, the door of your senses.  Block out her voice whispering to you: “What do you really want?”

She is that which will never be kept, never be controlled.  She is wild and fierce and she is here to mess up your life and your head and wake you up to your own FREEDOM.  She exists in 4 places of the zodiac.  She rises like the Phoenix and she multiplies.

This is how more awakened women are born.”

The old woman took a pause, and calmly sipped her tea with her twinkling green eyes fixed on her beloved granddaughters.

Athena, the younger sister, was especially studious in the realms of astrology and mysticism.  Catching the pause, she quickly piped up: “We know Grandmother, she is Black Moon Lilith, Dark Moon Lilith, Asteroid Lilith and Oscillating Lilith.  She is the Dark Angel; she speaks to us of our desires and our power.”

“Yes dear, good memory.”  The old woman smiled and spoke in a low voice, “However, you can ‘know’all the facts about Lilith, but not know her.”  She spoke slowly, “Your time will come.  You are young and innocent and protected.  Just remember that the Dark Angel has teachings for you and she stands at the edge of your consciousness.  She is the place of letting go and surrender, as well as the place of facing fears and going to battle with your worst nightmares.”

Phoebe was slightly older and quieter, and she glowed with serenity.  From the age of 2, she had been gaining the reputation as natural medicine woman, effortlessly dialed in to the wisdom and magic of plants and animals.  The stories passed down from her grandmother gave structure and guidance to her sensitivities, cementing the value of feminine healing into the fabric of her life purpose.  She could feel the thirst of the entire planet, the basic thirst for love.

Phoebe stroked her grandmother’s hand and touched her forehead to the soft, aging skin in gratitude.  She smiled into the old woman’s face and the old woman smiled back.

*

PART 2: Eve and the Snake

 

“Will you tell us the story of Eve again, grandmother?” Phoebe implored.

The old woman closed her eyes.  Her chair was cozy, her granddaughters were sitting close and her body was not in too much pain.  Her heart was full and a smile played upon her mind.  Why not tell the story that they loved?

She sipped her tea and began:

“Yes, Eve.  Dawn of Creation.  Our Mother.  The One who gets blamed for all the faults in and of the world.  Eve was born of Adam’s body.  Since Lilith had vanished (or been banished), unable to stay in form, Adam lent the density of his own form to the female creation.  And as an extension of Adam’s own body, Eve was willing to let him set the terms for their relationship.  It worked for a time.”  The old woman chuckled to herself, and the sisters grinned at one another while each holding a hand of their wise and mysterious grandmother.

“Adam and Eve walked in the Garden.  The mind of God was awake, and consciousness had taken human form.  It was blissful.  It was peace.  Just existence, needing nothing.  All wonderful.

Man and Woman were experiencing the earthly delights, free of any concept of greed or shame.  They knew themselves as innocent because they knew their oneness with each other and with the Creator.  Nothing had interrupted that understanding.

Or had it?”

“And then who comes along?” both sisters chimed in lilting voices, as if on cue.

“That’s right my darlings, who does come along?  Yes, yes, forever misunderstood.  The Teacher, the Alchemist, the Shapeshifter.  The One who came before.

The Snake came along, sliding like poetry and serene with inner-knowing.  She was right there all along, but Eve’s consciousness found her.  Some would argue that Lilith returned to form as the Snake in order to share the understanding of Karma, Samsara and the cycle of life-death-rebirth.  Who can know?  Who can say?”

The grandmother gave her usual shrug and sideways smile, her voice sounding nonchalant.  She took another sip of tea.

“Lilith had been awakened.  She saw it all; she had surrendered to the endless possibilities of universal consciousness.  She took form as the Snake, and the divine feminine with the awakened mind encountered the divine feminine existing as bliss.

Who is hunting who?  The Snake or Eve?  Eve or the Snake?  The search for knowing was there before the beginning.  Before any form could be had.”

“It was like the Big Bang,” said Athena with her infectious smile.

“Correct,” the old woman replied, while admiring how well the girl was tracking.  “It had to happen.  It was consciousness awakening to itself.  Awakening within itself.  Snake rises like the kundalini, rising from the base of the spine and coiling her way upward, igniting every chakra.  Snake is awareness.  Which is why she guards the Tree of Life.”

“She is described as a thief!  A scoundrel.  A manipulator.” Phoebe’s bright face darkened as she pointed out the common fabrication of evil projected onto the Snake.

“Yes, yes.  So much fear.  The fear to see who we are.  To speak of our desires.  The fear of choosing to think for ourselves.  The fear of feeling anything and everything.

Can we compare this to the awakening of the Buddha?  Living in bliss, unaware of any pain.  Protected from the greater ‘reality’ at all cost.  But then something within pulls him to discover the life that exists outside of his palace walls, and he is forever changed.  He sees the vicious cycle of life and death.  He sees suffering and Samsara.  Only then can he awaken (much later after much spiritual practice!).

One perspective is that the Buddha found his way out of Samsara because Eve found her way in.  How can one return to an awareness of Being if one has never left that awareness?

Both Lilith and Eve are recorded as making inadmissible mistakes.  And this is where we see ignorance breeding fear and fear breeding hate.”

The young women closed their eyes and listened to their grandmother’s voice, sparkling like morning dew on the web of the story of life.  Giving homage to the mystery.

The old woman surrendered to the words:

“The fear of Wisdom

The fear of Knowing and Experiencing

Existence

Some kind of primordial misogyny, born out of this Age-Old tale

‘Stupid girl’ – referring to Eve

‘Evil’ – referring to the Snake

‘Innocent Adam,’ seduced into temptation by his own wife

‘Idiot Adam,’ never again should he let himself be played by a woman

Forever remember that Eve let herself become prey to manipulation and in turn became the manipulator

Strip her of her power as punishment

And God, what did ‘He’ do? 

He was angry!  He cast them out.

He was saddened and disappointed.  He felt betrayed. 

He called for Separation

What a human thing to do.”

 

The old woman’s gravelly voice rolled on:

“I see a different story

I am not alone

Who is to say, who is right and who is wrong?

The Tree of Life

Beating, Breathing, Knowing

The Snake of Wisdom

Mystery and the Unknown

The desire to Know and to Experience

The desire to feel

Out of the Dark

Came the Light

To cast a brightness on every nuance, every possibility

Every pain and every pleasure

Offering us complete freedom

The path we take to return home is as individual as the body carrying the mind that has chosen

THIS, dear ones!”

 

The old woman looked at her granddaughters, both sitting silently, eyes closed, their faces turned up toward her, their matriarch.  She was the woman they would forever thank for reminding them of the truth of their being.  For allowing them and encouraging them to show up fully as themselves, to experience as many colors of life as their desires would lead them to.  For softly showing them how to put aside all attachment to their identity in order to find an even deeper freedom, to reconnect to the shining emptiness of the Source from which we all originate and return to.  Nothing to fix.  Nothing to hide.  Nothing to prove.

Phoebe and Athena both opened their eyes slowly.  Their calm faces were radiant and full of life and love.

The old woman finished the story:

“You know the ending, my darlings, the one that is also the beginning.”

The sisters nodded.

THIS choice, to awaken in the mind of God.  To eat the fruit of Wisdom from the Tree of Life.  THIS is the kind of energy it takes to power the Big Bang and to set the Cosmos in motion for eternity as we know it.

The story is still beginning.

A change is coming and we can feel it.

This life is like a rope – and we are swinging between delusion and realization.  To attempt to cast anyone’s experience outside of the realm of your understanding and compassion is a grave mistake.

Eve has been the teenage boy who suffers low self-esteem and acts violently as a result.  Adam has been the woman begging for change, missing her teeth, skinny as a rail and making you want to look away.  Lilith has been every neglected child everywhere.  She exists in every girl, boy, woman and man who has had their sense of self stripped away and must fight to reclaim their dignity.

Lilith exists in the darkness as a source of strength for anyone who is experiencing or healing from abuse, in particular sexual and psychological abuse.  She will ride with you in the hell realms as you slay every imaginable demon blocking you from the brilliance of your own endless being.

The Tree of Life was meant to be eaten from.  And we are meant to live and live and live again, so that we may finally begin to recognize one another for who we really are.

The fruit is placed before us.

We are hungry for the truth it contains.

This moment is the opportunity to take it in.

If not now, then when?”

*

 

On Gurus

 

We can have gurus and we can have Gurus.  The Guru is here to take you all the way.

It does not promise to make your life easy.  To the contrary, the Guru will hand you exactly what it takes to unfold you.  And while you are making your calculations about how you’ve been done wrong and what isn’t fair about the world and your life specifically, the Guru is loving you perfectly and slowly stirring the pot that is your evolution.

My introduction to Gurus came at age 20, with some kind of surrender/something to Jesus.  My post-adolescent-existential-angst was eating me alive, and then I somehow allowed myself to experience the idea of this man who had existed to teach humanity that we are one with God.  My intellectual mind took a break.  Fact/Fiction didn’t matter anymore.

At age 21, while I was pregnant with my first son, I met my second Guru in the form of Sai Baba.  I never met him in person, but I met him through a photograph that my Italian friend gave me.  She was/is extremely beautiful and wise, and she had been a devotee of his since her teens.  She was so cool and gorgeous and serene, and she spoke with reverence about this Guru that she loved.  Within months of learning about him, he appeared to me in a very interesting dream in which I was given the answer: “God is not dead.”

At age 22, I met my Guru, Mata Amritanandamayi Devi.  She is Amma, the hugging saint.  I didn’t know she was my Guru when I met her, but my baby boy and I received Darshan from her and I felt like I had met God.  The first time I heard her voice, I was struck.  It was deep and gravelly, and coming from a place of such power that it didn’t seem real to me.  Hers is the kind of voice that gives you the feeling of IS-NESS that you have been craving.  Like dark, rich earth.  She sounds like the Source of all things.

I call my experience “a slow romance” with my Guru.  Somehow it took me 15 years to get to a place of complete surrender to her Love.  When I came undone I met the Love that responds with love to everything and everyone it meets.  That Love that gives a shit and will reach for you even when you feel like dying.  That Love that exists every step of your journey in forgetting and remembering your innocence.

And somehow, in surrendering to my Guru, I see the Guru all around me.  In my guru-teacher Gina Salá, who gently guides people to the light through sound-healing and through her presence, like a humble shepherd tending to all the wandering souls who come her way.

Through Neem Karoli Baba, Guru of Ram Das.  Seeing his form wrapped in a blanket is to know a certain eternal sweetness.  He reminds me of every poem by Hafiz, and looking at his image can simply bust my heart open.

Through Hanuman, the Monkey God, the one who will go to any length at all to salvage Love.  The one who opens his chest to reveal the bright light of Lord Rama residing within him.  Neem Karoli Baba would say “Hanuman is Jesus,” with tears rolling down his face, tears of grace and understanding.

{My thinking mind has mulled over that idea time and again, and it wasn’t until a couple months ago that I felt it like lightning “Hanuman is Jesus.”  Hanuman is everyman.  Hanuman is the monkey within our monkey minds that finds the entrance to God through his very heart.  Jesus is everyman.  His message has been corrupted time and again, just like he said it would be.  He is everyone’s brother, he is everyone’s Friend.  There is no ownership of your salvation.  Son of God.  Daughter of God.  That’s all we are.}

Ganesha, the Elephant God, also feels like Jesus to me, like the Friend.  He rides in slowly, steadily, with a grace that makes me weep, makes me laugh and makes me dance.  He is the drumbeat.  He is the pulse of Supreme Wisdom.  He is the Remover of Obstacles, even when he places obstacles before you.  He radiates Benign Reality.  He also “loves to party,” as Gina says in her Indian accent, with her Indian head wobble.  Beautiful Ganesha.

The Guru is here to take you all the way.  In Guru, there is no separation.  There is complete absolution of self.  There can be many Gurus and gurus.  You don’t have to choose.  Lovers, teachers, friends, children – all gurus.  Every family member you have, a guru.  Your dog, a guru.  See your Guru in everyone and everything.  Ah, the freedom of the heart!  For when you see your reflection in their brilliance, you are humbled beyond measure.

Too often, our heart and mind are disconnected.  The heart is trying to talk and the mind won’t listen.  It has been cut off from its source!  Go deeper.  Find the muladhara chakra at the base of the spine.  Go primal and go to your truth.  Find your innocence there.  This is the first chakra and it is guarded by Ganesha, who fosters self-respect.  From there work your way up.  Second chakra, just below the naval.  Third chakra, solar plexus.  When you reach the green forest of the 4th chakra at the heart, you feel an expansion, deep breath.

Keep going up.  Fifth chakra, at the throat.  Your vulnerability is here, and your voice.  It is bright blue and glowing with the electric energy of spirit.  Be heard.  6th chakra, third eye, your indigo imagination/intuition/intellect.  7th chakra, the diamond crown ~~ you are That ~~

These days I am reading about Sri Mata Ananandamayi Ma, the Bliss-Permeated Mother.  She dances on your heart and laughs into the depths of your being.  She eradicates your consciousness to merge with the is-ness of this moment in ecstasy.  She softens the core of your self-identification so you can again be liquefied like butter being prepared into ghee.

This is what I know about Gurus tonight.

Sat Nam.

Grace.

 

 

 

 

Child

 

You are my child

Born of my flesh, my blood, my labor

You are my child

And sometimes I fail you so completely

Sometimes I just don’t get it

How to reach you

How to connect

*

Child of my body, Child of God

Please forgive my clumsy efforts

at parenting

Sometimes

I just say all the wrong things

Especially when I attach myself

to the drama of the moment

Could I please have a hall pass

when I don’t know what to do?

*

Child of Light,

you came here for your own special reason

Your own karma

I don’t control that

Your destiny

is not at all

under my jurisdiction

*

I will wait for you, dear child of mine

I will wait for your teenage brain

to stabilize

I will wait for my own fears to subside,

and maybe that will help

Maybe you will sense

when the swords I carry

as your Mama Bear

are laid down

Maybe then,

you will feel safe to approach me

as a human who just adores you

in this way that is beyond language

and beyond intellect

Maybe then,

my overwhelming love for you

won’t feel like another obstacle

for you to push against

*

Sweet child of mine,

Thank you for coming to this Earth

Thank you for choosing me as the vessel for your entrance

As the mountain for your shelter

As the indiscriminate heart for your perfect evolution

*

Dear child,

I am here

You don’t have to do anything

Say anything

Be anything

Or prove anything

I am simply

Glad

Of your existence

*

Bless this life

That lives and breathes and moves

In you

and I

*

Desire, the Crow and the Radiant One

Desire

is like ego

It wants more

It tricks us

many, many times

It says it only wants a little bit, a little bit more and it will be satisfied

It promises

But more makes it hungry

for more

a larger piece of the pie

a bigger plan

a more strident agenda

a better version of Now

*

Sometimes

it is just the innocent desire of wanting more time

to explore

the wonders of another human

with all of the senses

and physical energy

The sound of my breath in your ear

The taste of your mouth on mine

More time

is a craving that cannot be satiated

when one finds another so fascinating

This time does not exist

for our certain lives

Dear one,

what I would do

for more time with you

*

Open your eyes!

No, your other eyes

The shimmering reality

exists constantly

beyond the veil of your conscious mind

We experience it in glimpses

Laughter unfettered

deep and unabashed

A crescendo of physical pleasure

taking you to a place where you lose

control

Being struck by a beauty

that makes you forget yourself

The swelling sensation in your chest

when you realize that you are just like him or her

Earthlings,

we are simply life

and life is simply happening

We don’t have to die a physical death to experience a continual state of this bliss

Instead, we die to the self

bit by bit

And what a wonderful death that is

*

*

I take cues from crows

It’s a trick I learned

from a wise woman

She taught me their art

The way they hold up a mirror for these identities we claim

as we hustle and strive

caught up in our stories

They are watching over humanity

Quiet guardians

even as they eat roadkill

Sometimes they sit alone

their eyes fixed on something we cannot see

No one can guess

what has them so tuned in

Sometimes they consort like lovebirds

chasing each other in the circular, primal dance

or flying together

with the comfort of parallel motion

The togetherness we long for

flying in the sky

Sometimes many crows are mingling together

Flocking to perch on the bare branches of trees

Kickin it

alongside the freeway

Or languidly lined up accross a power line

the summer heat bringing stillness

Less movement is necessary

Often I see one atop a lamp post

grooming itself

Ah, self-care

Thank you for the reminder

*

Today I saw a crow enraptured by its shadow

walking along the cement wall outside of Safeway

watching itself

attracted to its own motion

It walked along the wall

the sun casting light around the bird’s reflected form

“Who are you?”

the crow was wondering to itself

It walked along and pecked at the ground

looking for food and appearing flustered by the shadow self

keeping it company

Oh, shadow side

Come in

Come in

You have so much to teach me

*

*

Desire is like addiction

Craving a food that will never satisfy

it only leaves us hungry for that which deepens our hunger

What then

is the alternative?

How can one find a way out of this wormhole?

*

Breathe

She says

Come sit with Me

and breathe

Let Me love you from every corner of the Universe

See Me in the whole sky

Hear My rumbling laughter

which contains all darkness and all light

shaking away the bindings upon your actual being

Find Me in every aspect of creation

When eyes meet your eyes

I am there

Don’t deny My existence

even in those you would call your enemies

Remember how I love you?

I love them this way, too

This love will never cease flowing through Me

The source is uncompromised

There is nothing you can do to block it

or stop it

You can try to hide

you can try to fall asleep again

But once you have tasted My nectar

you will never be the same

*

Years may pass

years of forgetting

years of trying to run from My constant acceptance

years of searching for another food to satisfy your hunger

another drink to quench your thirst

But I am patient, little one

I can wait many lifetimes for you

though My heart longs for you to return to this place

And when the time is right

you will dissolve into the bliss of empty self

You will laugh like I do someday

just wait

*

Your reflection is in everyone you meet

Yes, everyone

*

The feeling is like arriving at a well of cold, clean water

after living in thirst for so long

you were sure

you would die thirsty

You gave up on believing that water still existed

Lucky for you

there were teachers along the way

They shared their hydration from canteens

They showed you love

kindness

and forgiveness

when you thought everyone was against you

and out for themselves

They pointed along the path

and gave advice:

“This part is treacherous, but it is the only way”

“You are ready for this”

“See the unseen”

“Be broken….

for it is the cracks in the heart that let the light shine through”

*

Upon finding the well

you understand

it is the layers of this unconditional kindness

which have unraveled your concept of self

as seperate

as better or worse

bad or good

Your once crooked heart is no longer banging against the cage of the mind

All this time

your being has been held with such tenderness and care

like a precious jewel

in the hands of the One

who awakens your bliss

by loving you

*

Who is your reflection?

Who is in front of you!