The Walk

God-Realization is beautiful and terrifying, it is so vast.

Redemption is beautiful and terrifying, it is so vast.

Love.

Is beautiful.

And terrifying.

It is so vast.

My friends,

You know all there is to know.

The secret is out,

The whispers have become murmurs and the murmurs have become songs

And now more and more people are chanting

And knocking at the door of Truth

Because, what else is there?

The Love Paradigm exists: brilliantly, flawlessly, ceaselessly, unconditionally.

The Love Paradigm will be there when everything else falls away –

Even if you were to experience loss like Job in the Bible,

The Love Paradigm will reveal itself to you….It leaves no corner of the Universe untouched; It dwells within every closet, valley, illness, shadow and dark corner we can imagine.

It is so vast.

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The ones who know are generally silent about it

I speak because I have so much left to know

And I speak because I am a seeker, yearning to describe the experience of unveiling Truth within my own life, within my own mind.

I have seen the Vastness

It has popped the bubble of my small mind

It has been carving windows into my heart

And these windows are portals to Grace

The light flows in and out of them,

And when I sit by these windows, within my own heart,

I am witness to unspeakable Love.

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One of my best friends has described her first vision of an angel as “a golden wheel on fire with many eyeballs.”  She saw this as a teenager, without the use of drugs.  She was actually sitting in a church when it happened.  She later learned that many awakened souls have seen angels in the form of a wheel.

The wheel makes sense: the full cycle of formation, evolution and completion – over and over.  The turning of life.  The eyeballs, too: seeing, knowing, experiencing.  Perceiving, witnessing, absorbing.  And the fire: Moses saw God in the form of a burning bush.  What is it about flames that represent our divine nature?

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We are formless

Deathless

Intrinsically connected

The merging of our atoms takes place energetically on this physical plane

And who’s to say how our souls merge when we are no longer in this body?

There is nothing to hide from and nothing to withhold.

Spirit is calling out to anyone who will listen:

“Love now, Children!  We are in a time of great need.”

Spirit calls us sweetly, but like a Mother, She resorts to any measure to get you to come home.

If the yodeling and serenade don’t work outside your window,

You may feel a huge gust of wind, an earthquake or a storm.

The tumultuous forces of change are also Grace,

Waking us up from aimlessness, boredom, fear, hatred and doubt.

Look around: you will see the human affliction every day.

But today, rather than creating a shield –

Today, may we feel more deeply

See more clearly

Hear more dearly

and love fearlessly

Today,

May we honor the heart in every soul we meet.

Let that be the service

The practice

The walk

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All of me

 

My ex-lover sent me a concerned email when I posted about a “sex class” I went to recently.  My children don’t follow my blog, and they probably never will – but I had been using my real name on Medium, and the ex-lover had a point: “Any of your sons’ boneheaded friends could google your name and this story will pop up.”  He went on to say that I was the “hot mom” among their peers, and that my boys most certainly hated knowing that.  Concerns veiled in compliments, but I felt controlled.

I replied: “Good tip, changing my name on Medium now.”  And I gave myself a new pen name.  Problem solved.

But an anger was stewing, and my mouth wanted to breathe fire.

This energy will not be denied.

I’m claiming my freedom in this space, and a large part of that is connected to my sexuality.  I know this is nothing to be ashamed of.  The type of erotic play I am into is extremely vanilla compared to a lot of the things I read about, but even if it wasn’t — no shame!  I am finding that by exploring the sexual experiences and fantasies of other writers and by slowly sharing my own, I am tapping into incredibly rich creative energy.   I am humbled by these brave and sexy writers who are stirring the pot of erotic energy for those of us who are turned on by the written word.  I am relishing in my own desires without needing a physical partner to fulfill my needs.  And I am learning so much!

I feel protective of my freedom of expression, and unwilling to yield to a status quo version of sex, love or partnership.

And although my ex-lover means well, I also know he wants another chance at “us” – he wants to try some things I have revealed in my writing, things he didn’t know I wanted because I didn’t tell him and he didn’t ask.

His next email to me was titled “Sex” and was basically him coming to terms with his own beastly desires.  Would I wear a collar for him?

Again, I wanted to breathe fire.

Not because I don’t like collars.  I actually don’t know.  But because I am feeling raided….

I’m not here to defend my right to be.

I’m not here to train you to be my perfect lover.

I’m just uncovering the truth of my being.

Things that were dormant are being revealed.  Old wounds have healed enough that now they can be spoken of.  I am learning to be alive in my body.  I am waking up.

It makes some uncomfortable, or sad.

It might turn you on.

It might make you wonder.

And as for the ex-lover,

he doesn’t get to put a collar on me,

not even in my writing.

But the advice has been received,

and thank you for your concern.

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Side note:

I will always love my ex-lover, he is a beautiful being!

Ending poem:

The heart is in critical condition.

I didn’t tell you,

but I’m breaking all the time.

Little bits of me are falling off – can you see?  That’s my veil cracking.

And if you want to explore this mess with me,

i won’t stop you.

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