Imagination

Imagine that everything that has ever happened to you has been for your greater good.

Imagine.

Imagine the clearing of karma that has taken place, like a huge sweeping upon the soul inhabiting that body of yours.

Imagine the deepening of the lessons in this life like the beautiful canyons upon this beautiful, life-giving planet.

The deepening of the lessons like the lines upon the faces of the Ancient Ones, a deepening that forces you to bow from an unknown place, pressing your face and heart and whole body upon the ground.

Have you been humbled by now?

So many of us have been humbled by pain, but not by Love.

We cry out when we reach the end of ourselves, the limitations of ego, the desperate place of knowing there is something else, something better than this terrible experience – be it the dark corners of the mind or the drama of our inner-landscape being reflected in our 3D reality.

Gradually all pain and all drama begins stamping out any desire but the purity of our Oneness with the Divine.

And we might think we are only trying to escape the pain, find relief, but something much greater is at play.

We might think we are at the end, but we are actually waiting to be born.

And truly, in the bleakest and darkest moments, we may meet the brightest dawn.

So let us fall in love with the black night sky,

as we imagine this kind of Light….

 

 

Vulture for Prey

The Lord of Love has descended upon you so quickly.

The Lord of Love is like a vulture for its prey.

Merciless.

And all this time, you thought it was “you” running the show.

Small you, seeking God.

But then,

when you remember who You are,

what are we even talking about?

Who is seeking Who?

*

The Lord of Love is like a vulture for its prey.

Merciless.

*

On the Subject of Hope

Hope itself is a sin – as in a separation from Source.
The word “sin” is very charged for many of us, even those of us who were not raised within dogmatic religious teachings.
~ Please understand: the only “sin” that can ever happen is our own sense of separation from the Source of all that is, the Source of Love itself.  From that false belief in separation, all mistakes are made.
And let’s be honest – sinning (forgetting, separating our conscious awareness from unification with Source) happens all the time!  It’s okay.  We are all forgiven (in forgiving ourselves).  We can always remember (that is the Grace).  We are born of Free Will.  So take the charge out of the idea of “sin” and read on from a place of self-love and self-acceptance ~ 
The very idea of hope speaks to our sense of separation.
The concept of hope itself sends us into a spiral (of existence) that creates a situation where hope must exist in the first place.
Instead, know the deeper truth:
We already have what we want, we are simply “pulling it out of thin air,” so to speak.
That which we desire is being received, from Universe into our lives.
The connection to all Love is here now, the Infinite Truth is here now, and the manifestation of That Which We Believe is already complete.
Our requests are being heard and honored, and our selected experiences are handed back to us in perfect form.
 “Perfect” as in an exact match to our vibration, born of our core beliefs and desires.  Made to order.  We are given exactly what we are telling ourselves.
 Thich Nat Hahn talks about hope being a fallacy, in the book Peace is Every Step… I didn’t understand this when I read it many years ago, and that chapter both fascinated me and irritated me.  I felt like I needed hope then, and for years I continued to feel that I needed hope.  I was carrying loads of unworthiness, and all kinds of other negative beliefs and emotions that kept me dancing around but unable to merge with the light of my own being.
Hope was a beautiful thing, a sense of Grace, and on some level I did need the experience of hope and even the clinging to hope — because my story desired to express that way.  My story desired itself, for its own understanding.  This is how Creation works.
Then eventually, the story unravels and even hope is a separation from the seat of our true desires and our true power – which is the very hand on the Wheel of Life.
 Now, does this mean that hope is “bad” or “wrong”?
No, of course not.  Beyond the paradigm of good/bad and right/wrong, we can see much more clearly.  There is only this moment.  And there is only you as Creator.  No separation.  So, what is good for you in this moment, in this season of your evolution?  What is right for you right now?
 Sometimes, we grab hold of evolutionary teachings way before we are ready for them.  For example, the well known Buddhist teaching:  “If you see the Buddha in the road, kill him.”  What kind of violent teaching is that from a lineage that teaches inner-peace and non-violence to all?  Very discordant.
However, if we can see this teaching as the attachment to “hope” itself, or to guru in form, or to guru outside of our own being-ness — and if the sword that we use to “kill with” is the sword of Truth Light, the sword that Kali (Hindu Goddess of Liberation) yields to cut truth from untruth, illusion from clarity, falsity from reality, death from deathlessness — then we have a much more expansive teaching to work with.
All of our efforts are seen, heard and received by this Law of Truth, which some may call Law of Attraction, which is really Source saying YES, to you and me and all of us.
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES.
A thousand times YES.
This is the generous, opulent Universe – that is Your Very Reflection.
 Hope is a gatekeeper.  Hope has Angel wings, and is whispering “keep going, keep going sweet one, don’t give up, you are very near, getting warmer, keep going!”
Like sorrow, like suffering, like broken hearts…. hope can draw us towards the union with Source/Self and the alignment of our deepest desires.
But hope is not the landing pad!
Keep going.
Step beyond the hope, into the fulfillment.
You are ready, you were BORN READY, and the beauty is that this is your journey – your free will journey into the Vastness that is your holy desire.
Sometimes hope is very close to the gate of Union, like a shy lover already in the arms of the Beloved, saying “Are you Real, my Beloved?  Can I trust this?”  With this geometry of hope, it can be as easy as letting go, surrendering to Love, like a wiggly tooth that has been hanging on by a thread of skin finally breaking free.  Not too much ouch.  Maybe tears of relief and gratitude.  Amazement.
Let go of hope like that wiggly tooth.
Sometimes hope is farther away, especially when the experience of fear and sorrow is overbearing.  Hope is a flickering light.
Hope is a literal Angel willing to carry us for a time.  This Angel will carry us closer and closer to the gate of our Union with the Beloved, if we let it.  Then it will teach us to stand alone, and walk through the door of Union.
Then we will wash hope from us like soap from the body.
There are also those times when hope is just a sticky bowl of illusion.
“Expect the worst and hope for the best.”
Who coined that phrase?  It’s terrible!
One of my ex-boyfriends used to say that a lot.  Needless to say, his life was full of struggles, as was my experience with him.
What happens if we expect the worst?  What do we get?
Yes – you got it – we get THAT WHICH WE EXPECT.
Source Universe says YES.
It’s like saying “I know something terrible is going to happen, but I wish something better would maybe possible happen.  Just maybe, even though I know I don’t deserve good things to happen.”
You just convinced the Universe that you want more terrible things to happen.
Because that’s what you are believing in.
 The Angel of Hope is like a beautiful muse to draw you closer to your Union, but she is not the Union itself, she is not the destination.
But let’s be clear:
You don’t have to kick hope to the curb.  You can love her, thank her, and allow her to flow freely wherever she can serve Source.  She’s got those Angel wings….

White Wings of Karma

He came to me on white wings to deliver my karma.

He came to find out for himself just how real my love could be, and to teach me that in turn.  He came to take me through the ring of fire and burn the ice off my own heart.

He came to me on lies and white wings, for somehow they can indeed co-exist – as the poison is absorbed the strength is born, the light must burn even brighter and the love, well – sometimes you have to dig even deeper for it.  Dig in the recesses of your own mind full of ugliness and amnesia, stuck in some rigidity of judgment, or simply afraid of its own power.

These little shifts in perception; seeing the mind, the past, the other, the pure and the profane, all as patterns upon the totality — at some point the river of endless thoughts can stream down into the heart center, for something else is happening.

A feeling of all-encompassing love, and forgiveness.

A recognition that all of it is you.  The redemption in that.

An inner sovereignty to be just as you were born to be, just as you are right now.  A trust in one’s own desires, as unexpected as they might seem.

What  I mean to say is: 

He came on white wings and he broke me.  He shattered the illusions and the fantasy and the very attraction to his shadow.  

I danced with him in the name of love, both spiritual and animal, and I found a home in his arms that I didn’t want to leave.

The energy was always heightened because of a sense of temporariness – I didn’t want to admit but I sometimes did, that he felt like sand running through my hands.  Even now, a little grieving happens as I look at what was and see — it was never what I wanted it to be.  

So maybe that’s the real grief.  Mourning the man I wanted him to be, mourning the love I wanted to have, mourning the relationship that came on white wings to deliver my karma.

These angels, these karmic angels, they do us more good than we can ever know.  

*

The Guru, the Gift

Love is Guru.

Time is Guru.

Anger is Guru.

So is fear.

My children are the Guru — Guru of Gurus they are!

My parents are also Guru, in all of our closeness and non-closeness.

Energy is Guru.

Stillness is Guru.

Even exhaustion, depression, illness and pain are the Guru – powerful, life-changing Guru.  The Guru that shows you what you are really made of.

Sex is Guru.

Sexual union can allow the Supreme Consciousness to flow up the spine and into the heart, if we let it.  The experience of oneness will explode in the 3rd eye, for a sustained orgasmic state dissolves the illusory barrier between “you” and “them,” between “you” and the Divine, between “you” and all that is.

But we don’t need sex for that.

The Is-ness of this moment is teeming with potency, with the fruit and flavor of our conscious awareness and our unconscious awareness.  The power is in our focus, the lens of the mind.

It is the subtle shift in perceptive which will allow the heart and the whole body to soften, and allow the soul to again take the wheel.

There is no separation.

The soul is “you.”  The mind and its collection of thoughts, beliefs, ideas and concepts is a giant wardrobe which the soul can wear, when it chooses.

But truly, the soul needs no clothes.

No thoughts, ideas, concepts, beliefs, identities.

Only if it serves you or others, then wear these hats, these clothes.

But remember to take them off and stand naked with yourself, be the bare, raw essence of pure existence.

Caress even that duality, caress non-existence.

Know that you are also That, the nothingness.

*

There is no end to this infinite life.

*

And these precious moments ticking by, they are wild and free.

They are as malleable as our dreams.

Stand naked with your soul, and listen to the Gift.

Breathe it in, again and again, but noticing this time – the air filling your lungs – a gift.

The eyes that can see or the ears that can hear – a gift.

The ability to close the eyes and see the inner-world, what a gift indeed.

*

 

Thoughts on Forty

I woke up inside my body and became aware – I am here – temporarily so, yes – but here I reside, for this precious now.  Here, in this life, this particular design.  This paper thin slice of the matrix pie.  This form, this flesh, this blood, these bones.  This skin and these eyes.  This mind calculating what it sees.  This heart-mind, prodding the eyes to see more.

The white flag of surrender.  Everything is the teacher, everything is guru.  Every possible incarnation exists and it is inextricable from Source and therefor inextricable from me, or you.

We are each vines from the eternal presence which is Source.  And we are each the other – one another – we are everything upon existence as our consciousness moves to match that frequency.

For you, as Source, have a deep desire to experience all of yourself – all of your potential – as the being that you are in this lifetime and every other possible incarnation of you.  These incarnations are infinite.

The infinite is one with eternity.  And eternity is a very long time, my friends.  A very-very-very long time (in the linear sense), in which the CHOICE to experience what it means to be EVERYTHING is our own free will.  From the point of view of Eternal Source Consciousness, there is nothing to lose, ever, in the grandest sense.

We are here for this moment, and truly we are conductors of Source in this time capsule which exists moment to moment.  We are also morphing into the formation of who we know ourselves to be from moment to moment.  In essence, we exist as geometric light rays, playing upon the sublime pattern of this universe.

The soul seeks expansion, and it is that which these light rays will respond to upon this planet (and every other possible planet within this universe and every other possible universe).  And if you ponder it for even a moment, you will have an experience of what another universe could possibly be, and you will know yourself as THAT.  It exists and you exist as it.

The sheer magnitude of this.

From this expanded awareness, that ALL exists and that we are the It or the Is-ness, we come back to our bodies and our breath, here and now.

We come back to this Earth, this grand experiment, this sacred home for life.  We come back to our own particular place upon Gaia, which we are choosing with our free will from moment to moment.

We chose this life.

Our soul came here with a mission.  Once awakened, the heart will hear the mission loud and clear – from moment to moment.  The mind may still get confused – let the heart guide it and help it relax so the dust of thoughts can settle and vision can become clear.

Use the channel of the 5th chakra at the throat center to help make the connection between 4th chakra (heart chakra) and 6th chakra (at 3rd eye), deep inside the brain.  Chanting mantra, singing and of course conscious breathing will all clear the 5th chakra.  Also, not wasting words, not complaining and not speaking ill of others (it happens, but we can tame these habits, as we tame the horses of the mind).

Sitting in silence is very often the best medicine.

Listening to the silence and opening the heart-mind to receive.

*

I am forty today, and still just learning to listen, still just learning to receive.

Forty years is but a baby’s breath to the Goddess, married to Source, who laughs from the deep belly of the Creative Wisdom, laughs as another one becomes teachable.

*

 

Body Electric

Shakti needs Shiva.

Shiva teaches Shakti how to exist in form.

Shiva needs Shakti.

Shakti teaches Shiva how to exist as pure energy.

I am the Shiva lingam.

I am consciousness in form.

I am Shakti.

Om

*

At the beginning of this year, the body I reside in began to show signs of her kundalini awakening.

I have walked a meandering spiritual path since the age of 20, diving in and out of different spiritual traditions, seeking always seeking.

The seeking eventually led me to the transformative power of dedicated mantra practice.

Once I really took hold of this practice, the slow “identity crisis” I had been experiencing for the last several years became all-consuming.  What I mean by “identity crisis” is the dissolution of identifying with the “small self” – the persona, the ego, the physical body, the possessions or lack there of, the career, the history, the reputation, the assumed identity.

All I wanted was for the Lord of Love to CUT OFF MY HEAD, release me from the bondage of egoic attachments and burn away everything that is false and not of my true nature.

Just like Rumi spoke of, even concepts like “my this” or “my that” really didn’t hold up anymore, the more I tapped on the awareness of being both nothing and everything, non-separate from all that exists in and out of creation.

(Language is a barrier sometimes)

Basically, I was rushing toward my own karmic clearing, my delivery to the zero point.

*

The karmic clearing came in the form of a freak-accident injury that kept me out of work for a month, and a terrible heartache when my lover admitted to a great betrayal.

The injury was painful and very inconvenient, but I could hear my Guru’s voice and see his innocent smile: “I GIFT YOU!” he kept saying.  You have to experience this Guru to know how charming and disarming he can be.  And truly, he speaks the truth.

A karmic clearing is always a gift, and it is always in favor of our soul expansion.

In this dimension, it is impossible to fully see and understand the intricacies of perfection in each of our journeys.

When the admission of betrayal came from my lover, after quite a huge mind-fuck, I couldn’t see the gift.

There was only PAIN.

Ebbing and flowing, gushing, fresh, stagnant, old, inescapable, compressing my insides, this is killing me, Lord help me, I want off this ride.

The heart had to do intense tapas, you might say.

Lying on a bed of nails.

Being trampled my horses.

Dragged across hot coals.

Sliced and minced and cooked and served to hungry, wanting souls.

I felt every sensation and they all felt like death.

And yet, the real heart continued beating – alive and purified inside of Shiva’s flame.

The thing I thought would kill me, didn’t.

The thing that could have closed my heart, didn’t.

The door will not shut, even wrenching pain cannot shut it.

My will to shut out the light has been stolen by the Thief.

*

The lover who betrayed me got jealous at one point in our relationship, when another man was pursuing me.  We were barely hanging on, but we stayed together; apparently our karma wasn’t finished yet.

This lover sent me a letter during that time, expressing his offense that some other man would get to touch the body that HE made electric.  My body.  MY body.  Mine.

And yet – with a limited attachment to form, I couldn’t take in the egoic nature of his words at that time.  I had him on a pedestal of sorts, I loved him like he was flesh of my flesh, and when our time together came to its inevitable end, I felt like my own unborn child was being ripped out of my womb.

This man I had come to understand as my twin flame had been deceiving me for the majority of our relationship.

My consent in the relationship vanished the moment the deception began.

Part of my soul mission at this time seems to be the willingness to CLAIM my identity, my emotions, my desires, my lessons and yes….my body.

This body is electric.

In and of her own accord.

Due to her own sublime timing.

Owing credit to no one except the Shakti that flows through her like a river, rinsing out all the lies and confusion, all the oppressive programming and attempts to keep her controlled.

Shakti flows through this body like little earthquakes, cascading and cascading, riding up the spine and exploding through the heart again and again and again.

Just a thought can bring about a “heart orgasm.”

A fully clothed hug from the divine masculine can hold space for this live wire, this body electric.

All is Grace in the timing of our awakening.

God is singing a gentle morning song (yes, sometimes shouting it), and it is the God-Realized One within that must decide to awaken.  The song is exactly tuned to the vibration we can recognize.  The holes are being precisely drilled in the flute that is your soul.

*

I am the Shiva lingam, consciousness as form.

I am Shakti, consciousness as pure sacred energy.

“I” do not exist as the identity of the woman I reside in.

“I” cannot be killed, destroyed, ruined or even betrayed.

This body electric is awake.

This heart-mind is awake.

*

“I GIFT YOU,” says my Guru.

I smile a tiny Mona Lisa smile.

He speaks the truth.

*