The Kindness of the Supreme Being

 

The Supreme Being exists ceaselessly, in all things.

The seed of potential for Self-Realization exists in each one of us, relentlessly.

The seed of Bliss.

The seed of Peace.

The seed of Love.

The Supreme Being IS the True Self.

Formless, Ageless, Genderless, Deathless…

Omnipotent and Omniscient.

So many of us are trained from a young age, whether from our families or society at large, that God’s omniscience means that we should feel shame, guilt and fear for our humanness, our mistakes, our “bad” thoughts and behaviors.  Kind of like the old-school Santa story: “He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake.  He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!”  I know I’m not alone when I say that the words to this common Christmas song are pretty creepy, and they give the idea of “omniscience” a bad rep.

Let’s get over the old-school Santa-God story, and step into the light.

The Supreme Being is All-Knowing, All-Seeing, Ever-Present, Self-Existent.

The Supreme Being exists in a state of Kindness beyond our comprehension.

If anyone has had experiences with Angels, or dreams with Angels, or are curious if you have (you probably have) – you will recognize them by their kindness.  The energy of an Angel is completely accepting and supportive.  Angels are masters of alchemy; an Angel can sit with you in your deepest pain and transform it into Love.  Angels are teachers and protectors.  Angels carry the message of Cosmic Bliss, and our hearts are filled with joy, humor and pleasure in their presence.

Angels are like tentacles for God.

Call It by any Name.

Just as all rivers lead back to the Ocean, all Names will bring us to the Source of our awareness, the Supreme Being.

*

The Supreme Being is flooding through the hands and hearts of the ones wearing white helmets in Aleppo. 

God’s love is like this – going into all the places where no one else can or will.

The Supreme Being exists in a state of perfect compassion with the women and girls who are choosing death instead of rape and brutality.

The Supreme Being is shooting rays of hope out of the eyes of small children, hungry and traumatized, staring into the lens of a camera with curiosity and wonder – sending a message to all of humanity via the world wide web.

The Supreme Being exists behind my crumbling heart, as I know not what to do.

As I am constantly reminded so deeply that “my” suffering is a story that is being unraveled, unveiled and unencumbered from my soul.  The wheel of Karma that I have been riding is the same wheel that we all ride on, and the only way to change the fate is to stop telling the story of suffering.

That doesn’t mean stop thinking about it.

Don’t watch the news.

Go numb.

No…

My loves, dear hearts.

Tell a different story with me.

Put on your white helmet.

Be the Angel.

Don’t give up on anyone.

Don’t give up on ANYONE.

Life is too short for anything but loving.

*

The story is always unraveling,

unraveling as we tell it.

Breathe in.

Receive.

Breathe out.

Release.

May your heart be pierced like a pearl on the string of God’s necklace.

Namaste.

*

 

Don’t Gaslight Yourself

A friend and I have been discussing the experience of facing the truth – in relationships, in the world, in how we show up as ourselves or not as ourselves, in how we treat our bodies, in how we treat those close to us, and in how we experience the inner-voice.

First of all, any message – within our own minds, from the media, from a lover or a friend or a group or a cause or a family member or a psychic or a guru or a teacher or a guardian – any message we receive that tells us we are inherently bad, or “they” are inherently bad  – is bullshit.

In so many ways – we must re-learn how to trust our gut.

If the message feels bad, that’s our first cue to check it out.  

Why does it feel bad?

Before having another beer or going shopping or watching porn or yelling at someone or going cold inside or eating too much or driving too fast or having disconnected sex or making another compromise or going after more money or proving your point — pause for a minute and ask:  Why do I feel bad right now?  What is the feeling inside that I’m trying to get away from?  What is it, and what is it telling me? 

Is it uneasy?

Is it hard to pinpoint?

Is it grotesque?

Does it contrast (at all) with the feeling of being inherently OK?

Does it derail me (even a little) from knowing that I am good?

What is this feeling that is telling me to escape?

Don’t feel this this.

What is this feeling that keeps me from letting myself pause?

Rest.

Feel.

For many of us, pausing will feel uncomfortable, especially if we’re out of practice.

Pausing can feel downright irritating, painful or even horrifying.

Like the whole house of cards might come crashing down.  

These illusions about what we are chasing and what we are running away from….they might not survive the fire of awareness that exists in one singular pause.

Pausing  and noticing will often sound like a terrible idea (or even a terribly boring idea) when there is inner work waiting patiently for us to show up and buckle up.

For me personally, I don’t know how I would be able to handle the inner work at all without the experience of Guru, without my beloved chant teacher, without the healing love from family and a few close friends.  Although I have been blessed with my share of struggles, I also recognize that my soul was drawn to certain experiences to lead me to Guru, which I understand as Supreme Consciousness and Bliss.  Less of me and more of That,  please.  

And yet, I continue to find myself faced with experiences of needing to create boundaries, dealing with ego, finding out how to become more truthful within myself, how to change patterns, how to pause when I feel angry, how to pause when my heart is closed, how to pause when I feel doubt.

When we follow any train of thought that derails us from knowing that we are (inherently) OK, that we are (inherently) good, and that we are (in fact) the embodiment of pure love — we naturally want to escape.

Because want to feel better.  

And because somewhere, deep inside, we know that those self-destructive thoughts are simply NOT TRUE.

Even our subconscious mind is pulling us back to recognizing our essential nature, and even in our ignorance we are chiseling away at uncovering the true brilliance that is our birthright.

Even self-sabotaging behavior is another way of trying to feel better.  We want to distract ourselves from the real pain and the real feelings by creating alternate overwhelming feelings or numbness to feelings.  We are pulling the wool  over our own eyes.

The common self-sabotaging behaviors that are discussed widely include: remaining in abusive relationships, seeking out abusive relationships, food/eating disorders, cutting, alcohol/substance addiction, gambling addiction, porn addiction, you-name-it addiction, etc., etc.

But it can also look like not speaking our truth in our relationships, and even in our day-to-day dealings with people. It can look like all the little transgressions that we don’t speak up about, that we settle for, that we perpetuate.  It can look like staying on the surface of things and sweeping important issues under the rug.

Smiling when we feel like shit inside.

This kind of self-sabotage, or what I call “self-gaslighting,” can look like experiencing jealousy and not talking about it because I’m not supposed to feel jealousy.  Because feeling jealous is not very cool or evolved or hot or sexy or mature or kind or whatever it is I’m supposed to be.

If I hold that energy inside, I don’t feel good.  If I go into denial about having jealous feelings, I’m suppressing my own awareness.  The more I attempt to numb out to that feeling, the more I am derailing myself.  The mind will likely chip in a few thoughts of condemnation (like “wow, you are so weak for having this feeling” or even “you’re so self-absorbed for feeling jealous; someone more evolved wouldn’t have that problem”). This kind of situation can become its own catch-22, full of feeling bad about feeling bad!  

Anyone who has allowed self-defeating thoughts to derail them a lot or a little will relate to the rabbit hole of self-criticism we can wander into — the checklist of failures appears and suddenly the proof is all there for the various ways that we have somehow not measured up.

In a situation that happened earlier this year, an experience of Grace occurred when I was staying out at my friend’s house on the island.  I had gone there to clear my head and my heart and reground.  It was late, and I was lying in bed under clean sheets in a room that is filled with my Guru’s energy.  Suddenly, I was prompted to energetically pull all of the love that I had been giving back into myself, and I could reach back for years or even lifetimes and pull all that love and all that effort into my current self, the one experiencing the suffering of jealousy.

The love of my ancestors was also present, like love attracting more of itself and pulling even greater love into the receptive vessel that is my heart.  My Gurus and my Angels were in the room, as well.  It was truly bright, and I have never felt so protected.

I suddenly realized: I can trust myself.  

I can constantly turn to this Love that is completely free and ever-available.

All I have to do is open my heart to receive it.

I went to sleep content that night, knowing I didn’t have to be or do anything to be cradled by the Infinite experience of Love.  Knowing…in truth….I am That.

And when I woke up, guess what?

The work was still waiting for me.  It was still necessary to deal with that icky feeling.  It hadn’t quite left yet.

Jealousy.

Dammit.  Gross.  

I feel ugly.  

I feel less than whole.

 I feel less worthy.  

I feel unloved.  

I feel abandoned, rejected, lonely, scared.

I feel out of control.

I feel blah blah blah.

It doesn’t matter if I’m in a relationship or not.

I don’t actually need another person to fix this for me.

I need to hear an inner voice (the voice of Truth) say:

I love you.
You’re OK.
Your outer identity is not you.
Your experiences are not you.
Your feelings and thoughts are not you.
The life within you is good.
The life within you is sacred.
You are more than OK.

*

And if you ARE in relationship, having these feelings – hopefully both you and your partner have the bandwidth to hold space for each other when jealousy or other sticky-tricky emotions come up.

When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to share our truth, however awkward and shadowy it may be, we are honoring the is-ness of our state of being.

When others receive us with love and kindness in our vulnerability, they are also honoring the is-ness of our state of being.

Most likely this comes from their ability to honor themselves.

*

For me personally, telling my shadows to be quiet and invisible has never actually worked.

Telling my uncomfortable feelings and my intuition to shut-up was the self-gaslighting that let me stay in more than one shitty relationship.

It is quite possible to drive yourself mad through self-gaslighting.

*

If you have forgotten that you are OK, don’t run and don’t go numb, just pause and feel for a moment.

Most of us don’t transform our lives and behaviors overnight.

It becomes a series of remembering, bringing our attention back to the truth of our nature, which is goodness and effortlessly deserving of love.

If I am full of bad feelings, I can pause.

I might cry or breathe or cuddle my cat or pray or call somebody or go into a process of self-inquiry, with real curiosity and non-judgement.

From a more loving place, I might still drink a beer or eat more ice cream.  But I might enjoy it more.  I might have less desperate and escapist feelings about it.  I might even consciously free myself of any thought that is not compassionate, kind and loving toward myself.

Eventually, I might not even go for the ice cream or the beer.

But that won’t make me a better person.

The objective is love.

If I can love myself more, as I wake up daily to this thing called life…then I know I am on the right track.

*

Grace be with you.

Namaste.

*

 

 

 

The Walk

God-Realization is beautiful and terrifying, it is so vast.

Redemption is beautiful and terrifying, it is so vast.

Love.

Is beautiful.

And terrifying.

It is so vast.

My friends,

You know all there is to know.

The secret is out,

The whispers have become murmurs and the murmurs have become songs

And now more and more people are chanting

And knocking at the door of Truth

Because, what else is there?

The Love Paradigm exists: brilliantly, flawlessly, ceaselessly, unconditionally.

The Love Paradigm will be there when everything else falls away –

Even if you were to experience loss like Job in the Bible,

The Love Paradigm will reveal itself to you….It leaves no corner of the Universe untouched; It dwells within every closet, valley, illness, shadow and dark corner we can imagine.

It is so vast.

*

The ones who know are generally silent about it

I speak because I have so much left to know

And I speak because I am a seeker, yearning to describe the experience of unveiling Truth within my own life, within my own mind.

I have seen the Vastness

It has popped the bubble of my small mind

It has been carving windows into my heart

And these windows are portals to Grace

The light flows in and out of them,

And when I sit by these windows, within my own heart,

I am witness to unspeakable Love.

*

One of my best friends has described her first vision of an angel as “a golden wheel on fire with many eyeballs.”  She saw this as a teenager, without the use of drugs.  She was actually sitting in a church when it happened.  She later learned that many awakened souls have seen angels in the form of a wheel.

The wheel makes sense: the full cycle of formation, evolution and completion – over and over.  The turning of life.  The eyeballs, too: seeing, knowing, experiencing.  Perceiving, witnessing, absorbing.  And the fire: Moses saw God in the form of a burning bush.  What is it about flames that represent our divine nature?

*

We are formless

Deathless

Intrinsically connected

The merging of our atoms takes place energetically on this physical plane

And who’s to say how our souls merge when we are no longer in this body?

There is nothing to hide from and nothing to withhold.

Spirit is calling out to anyone who will listen:

“Love now, Children!  We are in a time of great need.”

Spirit calls us sweetly, but like a Mother, She resorts to any measure to get you to come home.

If the yodeling and serenade don’t work outside your window,

You may feel a huge gust of wind, an earthquake or a storm.

The tumultuous forces of change are also Grace,

Waking us up from aimlessness, boredom, fear, hatred and doubt.

Look around: you will see the human affliction every day.

But today, rather than creating a shield –

Today, may we feel more deeply

See more clearly

Hear more dearly

and love fearlessly

Today,

May we honor the heart in every soul we meet.

Let that be the service

The practice

The walk

*

 

 

 

Lilith (Shapeshifter)

 

“Before there was Eve, there was Lilith.

She rose out of the dust, the thought erupting in the mind of God. 

Form.  Gender.  Yin.

She rose next to Adam. 

Form.  Gender.  Yang.

The eternal fire was born.

But although Adam and Lilith channeled elemental love and desire, they also channeled the primal conflict of domination and submission.  Lilith refused to submit.  And Adam didn’t like that.  Or so it is recorded time and again.  Numerous records say this is all about her unwillingness to lie beneath him, in so many words.  The patriarchy tells a story in which a woman demanding equality (sexually, intellectually, in all forms of power) is unacceptable.  Adam’s love for Lilith became twisted and fear-based, and his passion turned into a need for control.  Maybe there is another expression of Adam that has not been told….I truly hope so.”

The old woman closed her eyes in a moment of silent prayer, then continued:

“Lilith inherently understood that nothing and no one can be owned, only perceived and experienced for the moments we are given.  But she was thousands of years ahead of her time.

Her only choice was escape.  Like the Phoenix, Lilith freed herself in remembrance and self-realization…returning to the eternal source.  One can liken this source to the void from which creation is spawned, the black hole at the center of every galaxy, the womb of the universe.

In her awakening, Lilith saw the grand design of existence that was yet to come.  She kept her identity, not as density in a body, but as spirit.  She became everything imaginable that a woman can be.

Yes, everything.

Some legends tell us that Lilith became Queen of the Underworld, birthing all the demon children to begin the realms of Hell.  She is the Succubus and the Siren, the Wanton Temptress, the Evil Witch.  She is ecstatic, she is crazy, she is fearless and relentless.  She is everything both desired and hated.

The message given is to fear her and despise her.  Blame her for all your bad luck.  Protect yourself from her knocking at the door of your knowing, the door of your senses.  Block out her voice whispering to you: “What do you really want?”

She is that which will never be kept, never be controlled.  She is wild and fierce and she is here to mess up your life and your head and wake you up to your own FREEDOM.  She exists in 4 places of the zodiac.  She rises like the Phoenix and she multiplies.

This is how more awakened women are born.”

The old woman took a pause, and calmly sipped her tea with her twinkling green eyes fixed on her beloved granddaughters.

Athena, the younger sister, was especially studious in the realms of astrology and mysticism.  Catching the pause, she quickly piped up: “We know Grandmother, she is Black Moon Lilith, Dark Moon Lilith, Asteroid Lilith and Oscillating Lilith.  She is the Dark Angel; she speaks to us of our desires and our power.”

“Yes dear, good memory.”  The old woman smiled and spoke in a low voice, “However, you can ‘know’all the facts about Lilith, but not know her.”  She spoke slowly, “Your time will come.  You are young and innocent and protected.  Just remember that the Dark Angel has teachings for you and she stands at the edge of your consciousness.  She is the place of letting go and surrender, as well as the place of facing fears and going to battle with your worst nightmares.”

Phoebe was slightly older and quieter, and she glowed with serenity.  From the age of 2, she had been gaining the reputation as natural medicine woman, effortlessly dialed in to the wisdom and magic of plants and animals.  The stories passed down from her grandmother gave structure and guidance to her sensitivities, cementing the value of feminine healing into the fabric of her life purpose.  She could feel the thirst of the entire planet, the basic thirst for love.

Phoebe stroked her grandmother’s hand and touched her forehead to the soft, aging skin in gratitude.  She smiled into the old woman’s face and the old woman smiled back.

*

PART 2: Eve and the Snake

 

“Will you tell us the story of Eve again, grandmother?” Phoebe implored.

The old woman closed her eyes.  Her chair was cozy, her granddaughters were sitting close and her body was not in too much pain.  Her heart was full and a smile played upon her mind.  Why not tell the story that they loved?

She sipped her tea and began:

“Yes, Eve.  Dawn of Creation.  Our Mother.  The One who gets blamed for all the faults in and of the world.  Eve was born of Adam’s body.  Since Lilith had vanished (or been banished), unable to stay in form, Adam lent the density of his own form to the female creation.  And as an extension of Adam’s own body, Eve was willing to let him set the terms for their relationship.  It worked for a time.”  The old woman chuckled to herself, and the sisters grinned at one another while each holding a hand of their wise and mysterious grandmother.

“Adam and Eve walked in the Garden.  The mind of God was awake, and consciousness had taken human form.  It was blissful.  It was peace.  Just existence, needing nothing.  All wonderful.

Man and Woman were experiencing the earthly delights, free of any concept of greed or shame.  They knew themselves as innocent because they knew their oneness with each other and with the Creator.  Nothing had interrupted that understanding.

Or had it?”

“And then who comes along?” both sisters chimed in lilting voices, as if on cue.

“That’s right my darlings, who does come along?  Yes, yes, forever misunderstood.  The Teacher, the Alchemist, the Shapeshifter.  The One who came before.

The Snake came along, sliding like poetry and serene with inner-knowing.  She was right there all along, but Eve’s consciousness found her.  Some would argue that Lilith returned to form as the Snake in order to share the understanding of Karma, Samsara and the cycle of life-death-rebirth.  Who can know?  Who can say?”

The grandmother gave her usual shrug and sideways smile, her voice sounding nonchalant.  She took another sip of tea.

“Lilith had been awakened.  She saw it all; she had surrendered to the endless possibilities of universal consciousness.  She took form as the Snake, and the divine feminine with the awakened mind encountered the divine feminine existing as bliss.

Who is hunting who?  The Snake or Eve?  Eve or the Snake?  The search for knowing was there before the beginning.  Before any form could be had.”

“It was like the Big Bang,” said Athena with her infectious smile.

“Correct,” the old woman replied, while admiring how well the girl was tracking.  “It had to happen.  It was consciousness awakening to itself.  Awakening within itself.  Snake rises like the kundalini, rising from the base of the spine and coiling her way upward, igniting every chakra.  Snake is awareness.  Which is why she guards the Tree of Life.”

“She is described as a thief!  A scoundrel.  A manipulator.” Phoebe’s bright face darkened as she pointed out the common fabrication of evil projected onto the Snake.

“Yes, yes.  So much fear.  The fear to see who we are.  To speak of our desires.  The fear of choosing to think for ourselves.  The fear of feeling anything and everything.

Can we compare this to the awakening of the Buddha?  Living in bliss, unaware of any pain.  Protected from the greater ‘reality’ at all cost.  But then something within pulls him to discover the life that exists outside of his palace walls, and he is forever changed.  He sees the vicious cycle of life and death.  He sees suffering and Samsara.  Only then can he awaken (much later after much spiritual practice!).

One perspective is that the Buddha found his way out of Samsara because Eve found her way in.  How can one return to an awareness of Being if one has never left that awareness?

Both Lilith and Eve are recorded as making inadmissible mistakes.  And this is where we see ignorance breeding fear and fear breeding hate.”

The young women closed their eyes and listened to their grandmother’s voice, sparkling like morning dew on the web of the story of life.  Giving homage to the mystery.

The old woman surrendered to the words:

“The fear of Wisdom

The fear of Knowing and Experiencing

Existence

Some kind of primordial misogyny, born out of this Age-Old tale

‘Stupid girl’ – referring to Eve

‘Evil’ – referring to the Snake

‘Innocent Adam,’ seduced into temptation by his own wife

‘Idiot Adam,’ never again should he let himself be played by a woman

Forever remember that Eve let herself become prey to manipulation and in turn became the manipulator

Strip her of her power as punishment

And God, what did ‘He’ do? 

He was angry!  He cast them out.

He was saddened and disappointed.  He felt betrayed. 

He called for Separation

What a human thing to do.”

 

The old woman’s gravelly voice rolled on:

“I see a different story

I am not alone

Who is to say, who is right and who is wrong?

The Tree of Life

Beating, Breathing, Knowing

The Snake of Wisdom

Mystery and the Unknown

The desire to Know and to Experience

The desire to feel

Out of the Dark

Came the Light

To cast a brightness on every nuance, every possibility

Every pain and every pleasure

Offering us complete freedom

The path we take to return home is as individual as the body carrying the mind that has chosen

THIS, dear ones!”

 

The old woman looked at her granddaughters, both sitting silently, eyes closed, their faces turned up toward her, their matriarch.  She was the woman they would forever thank for reminding them of the truth of their being.  For allowing them and encouraging them to show up fully as themselves, to experience as many colors of life as their desires would lead them to.  For softly showing them how to put aside all attachment to their identity in order to find an even deeper freedom, to reconnect to the shining emptiness of the Source from which we all originate and return to.  Nothing to fix.  Nothing to hide.  Nothing to prove.

Phoebe and Athena both opened their eyes slowly.  Their calm faces were radiant and full of life and love.

The old woman finished the story:

“You know the ending, my darlings, the one that is also the beginning.”

The sisters nodded.

THIS choice, to awaken in the mind of God.  To eat the fruit of Wisdom from the Tree of Life.  THIS is the kind of energy it takes to power the Big Bang and to set the Cosmos in motion for eternity as we know it.

The story is still beginning.

A change is coming and we can feel it.

This life is like a rope – and we are swinging between delusion and realization.  To attempt to cast anyone’s experience outside of the realm of your understanding and compassion is a grave mistake.

Eve has been the teenage boy who suffers low self-esteem and acts violently as a result.  Adam has been the woman begging for change, missing her teeth, skinny as a rail and making you want to look away.  Lilith has been every neglected child everywhere.  She exists in every girl, boy, woman and man who has had their sense of self stripped away and must fight to reclaim their dignity.

Lilith exists in the darkness as a source of strength for anyone who is experiencing or healing from abuse, in particular sexual and psychological abuse.  She will ride with you in the hell realms as you slay every imaginable demon blocking you from the brilliance of your own endless being.

The Tree of Life was meant to be eaten from.  And we are meant to live and live and live again, so that we may finally begin to recognize one another for who we really are.

The fruit is placed before us.

We are hungry for the truth it contains.

This moment is the opportunity to take it in.

If not now, then when?”

*

 

Jupiter (About Angels)

 

Yes, there are 7.4 billion people on the planet.

But how many more living creatures in all?

And how big is Space?

Also –

What about the energies of our ancestors, all around us?

And –

Have you ever met an Angel?

*

The Angels are easily identified by their kindness.

The lightness of their energy.

They take nothing from you.

Everything you do is accepted, for they are observing you with the utmost respect.

They know the truth of your being, and it is that – Being – which has brought an Angel into your consciousness, your dreams or even into your physical experience.

*

The Angel is here to guide you in the most gentle and steady way possible;

No time is wasted with an Angel.

The loving corrections they bring come from a place you can’t control with Mind.

So give up.

Receive.

*

See how the influence of an Angel expands your capacity to love and steals your worry?

Find the stretch of your heart and – like any other muscle – hold the stretch right where it is.

No need to back up, no need to push forward.

You

are just right.

*

Believe me,

they get it.

They know it’s not easy here on the earth-plane.

The Angels will always meet you exactly where you are.

They come freely,

and there is no pre-requisite for their visitation upon your life.