The light is shining so brightly these days
Upon my very soul
I’ve been moving furniture
Out of my temple and into the yard
The furniture looks like crap
And dammit, now it’s there for all to see
*
Inside my soul is dancing
Something is alive and celebrating the demise
Of the hiding from light
Of the believing of lies
Of the self-created stories that turn into nightmares when I am pretending I am separate
My soul says YES
Even as my eyes release tears and my heart is bursting
Even as I rage and try to convince my lover that I am too difficult, too complicated and too damaged to love
He sees me in a different light than I can see myself
A thick cloud of doubt surrounds me sometimes
When I get very, very close to someone
When I begin to feel trust
My guards want to protect me:
Scared Sally, Angry Annie, Jealous Jenny, Distant Deb, Hateful Helga
The names help **
I say “hi”
I say “Will you walk with me, stay close, but let me handle it this time? I know you want to protect me. Thank you so much for arriving when I needed you, when I didn’t know how to handle the obstacles. I have learned so much since you joined me, though. I think I know another way now. You don’t have to leave me, you don’t have to die, just rest now, here – inside my heart.”
And I walk in to his life
And I connect
And I am so close, so close
To peeling back a thick layer of protection that looks and smells like jaded disappointment and cynicism. It’s heavy and cumbersome, but also familiar like a childhood blanket
I want to open this door, and let all my love pour out onto him
Into his life
Into our moments
Into something real that we are creating
The question for me is “What if?”
Because I’m almost there, but not quite
Maybe I’m someone
Who needs more convincing, reminding and reassuring than others
And maybe
I’m just right
*
** The book The Dark Side of The Light Chasers by Debbie Ford speaks extensively on loving our shadows and self-compassion. I highly recommend it. The naming of my shadows comes from that book, and I find it to be a very useful tool.
Raw. Me likes.
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Me likes you, too 🤓✌❤
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Reblogged this on Lost Dudeist Astrology.
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Thank you…I’m honored to have you sharing my work 🌸🌸🌸
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You are welcome.
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More beautiful stuff ❤
Your are a Mystic blessing ❤
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You bless me also, Billy! xxo
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