Ticket Lady

 

Tonight I get to be the ticket lady at a comedy show on Capitol Hill.  I’m so excited.  It really feels like my dream-job: sitting at the tall chair by the entrance to the bar, taking cash and putting it in that cool metal box, scanning cards on the phone they give me.  I’m witty and charming and unpretentious, so most people don’t hate me.  The comedy host is a friend of mine and I basically begged him for this gig.

What he only sort-of realizes is that I really don’t get out much, so I need motivation.  I have these kids and a job, see – and yoga class.  And then I write and I really like to sleep and I try to shower or bathe almost daily.  And like, this whole “eating and feeding a family” thing takes a lot of time.  And on top of that I’m lazy and I don’t want to drive and deal with parking near Broadway and uggghhhh, should I just Uber?

But now I have a job to do, now I have to go out and have fun, now I’m being forced from my cozy cave of introversion.

It’s time to get ready for this shindig!

What does a ticket lady wear?

A little black dress?

I thought so….

And maybe a mustache to go with it.

*

 

 

Woman-Girl

 

Who is holding your hand as you walk the stairwell deep, deep into the night?

Counting down the levels, you go slowly, absorbing the scenery.

You are beginning to remember things.

Things you wanted to remember, and things you didn’t.

There is a color and a taste and a smell as you pass through a memory.

Some things were left undone –

a protection was broken,

and it’s still broken.

Oh, pieces!

That one’s sharp.

*

There’s a sensation and a sound – these things she tried to forget,

even as they happened.

What can she do, but play dead?

Pretend to be asleep?

Never speak of it?

The answer is forgetting, dismissing, ignoring.

The deadness was a coping skill, but now she wants her life back.

Now she wants to hear the sounds and see the colors and smell the whole experience.

Her sense of taste has returned, and she rejoices in the pleasure and discernment of her tongue.

And touch, ohhh….

Touch that she chooses and desires.

Touch that has her pining for more.

Touch that brings her to her knees

and fills her face with such a yearning….

she’ll even tell you what’s on her mind.

When did touch become fun again?

When she walked back into her innocence.

When did she set her mind free?

When the girl woke up.

*

Maybe she’s a late bloomer.

Maybe she’s just getting started.

And maybe she doesn’t mind one bit.

For maybe it delights her ~ this play ~

of being the girl and the woman and all the things she is feeling and beholding and being led by.

This sweetness,

pours like rain on parched earth and your lips say “I’m alive!”

as you pull her into your essence.

*

 

 

Drop

Drop the story.

Drop knowing.

Drop any boredom you might harbor,

like life isn’t quite good enough for you.

Reach into the construct of your identity, and sift through the nuts and bolts.

Give a loving glance to all this stuff

as your hand grazes the inner-you, the one you can’t separate yourself from

even try as you might.

Would you hold these things, these constructs

and drop them in the Ocean like taking a bath?

You will still be you, but you might feel and act in a different way.

You might see things in a way you didn’t know was possible.

The “seeing” will happen all throughout the body, not just the eyes!

Maybe you’ll weep, like I do

when the whole Universe is revealed through a single photograph

a poem

a kiss.

Forgiving ourselves for forgetting

(constantly, daily)

the sublime honor

of having a heart.

 

*

 

Beltane

Happy May Day, Beltane, heart of Spring!

Both the Sun and Venus are snuggled in Taurus (Venus entered the realm of the sensual Bull 2 days ago), and there is a certain full and romantic energy in the air – especially as Venus rides through Taurus.  As ruler of Taurus and Libra, Venus experiences her domicile (her home) in these two signs, so although this is not her sign of exaltation (that would be Pisces), she is free to unfurl as her complete and comfortable self while moving through the signs she rules.  In Taurus, Venus is grounded, she is sure of herself (maybe to the point of being stubborn, but she has every right), and she delights in earthly pleasures.

We often think of earthly pleasures in terms of sex, money, man-made materialism and entertainment.  What if we shift that idea back to the source: the Earth?  Sex is still a given, with ourselves, with another, but really tuning in and noticing the source of our desires or lust, tuning in all the way to that place of connection to our worthiness and the freedom that grants us.  I’m also talking about the pleasure of sunshine and clean air, if we are so lucky.  The pleasure of trees and water and mountains surrounding us.  The pleasure of all the flowers blooming, showing us beauty so graciously, and the cycle we all go through of living and dying.

Sticking your hands in the earth is a beautiful thing to do on this day.  Gardening, lying in the sun, walking barefoot, putting your body against the Earth, some way, somehow.  We need this connection to her.  When we are cut off from her, we become cut off from our own spirit, the one who took birth to be on this planet for whatever reason!

The child who is neglected by his mother may give up on loving himself; it happens.  When we cut ourselves off from Ma Gaia, we sever the love flowing effortlessly from all of her uninterrupted spaces….and we forget we need those spaces, on our planet and in our hearts and minds.

This May Day feels all about the Earth for me, I can hear her calling my name.  As I write with my sliding glass doors open and the sunlight pouring in, I hear cars rushing by outside and I am imagining a space without that sound.

We are so very lucky, we who live in places on Earth where we can access her healing power and healing beauty so easily and so readily.

I am being called by the blue sky, dear reader……I hope you are experiencing much of it today.

May the Fire of Beltane burn bright within your being,

Igniting your passion for living and burning away all that does not serve you.

May the lovely Venus wrap you in her embrace,

More and more as you open up to all the ways of being yourself.

May the union of God and Goddess that the maypole represents

Lead you in a slow dance of union between yourself and the Divine.

There is energy in this ancient, sacred dance

As we dance barefoot upon the earth.

*