Undateable

As the day of love approaches, I find myself considering putting myself back on “the online market” so to speak, as in online dating.  I’ve done it before, but it’s been over a year and I stopped because I wasn’t having very much fun.  However, I’ve heard of a couple of newer sites that sound like they might be worth a try, and besides – it’s all about where you’re at in the moment, right?  We attract that which we are vibing, that which we are putting out in the Universe.

I question the validity of my efforts, though, for there are a few “snags” in my fabric that make me feel a bit ~ you guessed it ~ undateable:

  • I’m a cat lady. I’m also a little crazy, but that is not a diagnosed condition, just my own self-assessment.  I only have two cats, but they are my children.  And they are the glue that holds my family together.  So my potential mate must like cats.  He must not be allergic to cats.  And he must specifically receive signs of approval from MY cats.  No pressure.
  • I am a single parent of teenage boys. I have been a single parent through the majority of their childhood.  I’m decent at it, but I won’t lie – the challenges are real and constant.  I love my boys something fierce.  And I bow to them as my greatest teachers.  They come first, always.  I need and desire a relationship in which I am understood as a mother.  I wear many hats and my superpowers are vast.  But damn, I could use a break sometimes.  Men I’ve dated often think they get it, but then they don’t.  This does not seem to be contingent on their own experience of raising children, but guys with kids potentially have more of a clue. “Potentially” being the key word….
  • My mind is cracked open to the awareness of human suffering. I care deeply.  Specifically, issues regarding sexism, violence against women, racism, violence against people of color, economic oppression, disregard of people living in poverty, violence against children, and the subtle yet violent brainwashing of men.  I want to talk about these things.  I want a meaningful discourse about these realities with the person I am dating.  I crave an ongoing conversation that makes our hearts softer and our words more kind, even as the pain of understanding suffering breaks our hearts and minds.  I don’t want the band-aid or the kool-aid!  Please, travel in this space with me.  Not for me, but because your soul is aware of its own contract and you, too, have come here to awaken and forgive, love and forgive, be and forgive, forgive, forgive.
  • I have experienced the end of myself. For many years, I kept hitting a cement wall (the end of myself), and it would feel painful and it would be a huge learning experience, but I kept re-creating my identity and my attachments.  Somehow, over time, I have given myself over to this death.  I still attach myself to my identity, but it is somehow looser, kinder and more porous.  The “me” I thought I was isn’t real.  This I know.  The “me” I identify with today is only temporary.  I long to constantly experience the end of myself, for that is the glimpse I have into a life of freedom.
  • When “I” stop clinging to “me” there is a letting go that usually makes me weep because I am so grateful and so relieved.  It is like a load of ten thousand bricks has been lifted from my mind and I can feel, for a moment, that the life that breathes and moves in this body is eternal and sacred and unaffected by conditions.  This presence is deathless, changeless and undeterred by my creative displays of suffering and story-telling.  In fact, it is through these experiences of suffering, these “dreams” if you will, that I seek the end of myself more and more.  Suffering was my introduction to freedom, for it was in times of trial that I rigorously pursued the presence of unwavering love.  I chased my lies until I found the thing that was far more interesting, and to this day I drop to my knees in my heart center when I feel this end, this death, this eternal nature.  I feel it as the the living water, and still I know that I am only grazing the surface of how brilliant it really is.

 

I suppose these are not too many deterrents, but in my experience, the trail gets less and less crowded on the path of soul-reckoning.  There often seem to be more women than men on this trail.  It is somewhat inconvenient that I am primarily straight.  So good luck to me!  Ha! 😉

Also, blessings and love to you – whoever and however you may be – on your love journey and in your seeking.  Namaste.

 

 

 

New Moon in Aquarius and Happy Year of the Fire Monkey!

The new moon in Aquarius was exact at 6:39am PST this morning, harkening in the Year of the Red Fire Monkey in the Chinese zodiac.  The Chinese New Year begins on the second new moon after the Winter Solstice.  I find the interplay between the Chinese zodiac and the zodiac of Western astrology to be quite fascinating – there are so many layers to dig into within each system, and when we merge them together we are given a broad, holistic view of our astrological make-up.

The new moon is conjoined with the sun in Aquarius today – wild, rebellious and determined.  Aquarius is the fixed air sign, very mentally stimulating as well as firm in its views.  Aquarius is ruled traditionally by Saturn, the taskmaster and disciplinarian, but the modern ruler of Aquarius is Uranus, the planet of innovation, transformation and disruption.  This speaks to why Aquarius is able to contain such driven and focused energy, while at the same time remaining eccentric and untamed.

The Chinese New Year always occurs with the new moon in Aquarius, but the Monkey can straddle the spectrum of Aquarius deftly, for he is naturally wild and free, but also ambitious and mentally astute.  In particular, the Fire Monkey is a yang animal with the most yang energy of all the Chinese elements (Earth, Water, Fire, Metal, Wood).

We are being invited into this new moon cycle and into this Chinese New Year with a high level of intensity, intellectual passion and a need for revolutionary change.  What will you set yourself free from this moon cycle?  What kind of big picture liberation do you want to experience in your own life this year?  The Red Fire Monkey is here to facilitate empowering metamorphosis on a micro/macro, personal/political scale in 2016.  Here we go!

Our sun in Aquarius experienced a hard square to fiery Mars in Scorpio early yesterday morning, and today the new moon herself is squaring the red planet.  This is challenging energy that is bound to unearth hard feelings like anger, fear, resentment and jealousy.  Yuck, yuck, yuck!  It is time to tune in and observe.  Mars likes conflict, and as the traditional ruler of Scorpio, he is very powerful in the deep waters of the Scorpion.  In a square aspect with the sun and moon, he is literally banging on the doors of our consciousness and demanding that we deal with the crud and the sludge that we generally prefer to keep buried.  The intensity of this configuration is flowing over us like a mood, but it sets the stage for the current moon cycle.

As we go within and get quiet with the new moon, and as we plant the seeds of intention for the next 4 weeks, there are elements to be reckoned with that might not feel at all pretty or convenient.  However, the uncomfortable elements (shadows, if you will) being unearthed by Mars in Scorpio are truly necessary to our growth and development at this time.  May we let the lightness and global vision of Aquarius steer us towards working with our shadows to connect in deeper ways and take in the bigger picture.  In the words of Maya Angelou, Aquarius knows without a doubt: “The truth is, no one of us can be free until everybody is free.”

If you are seeking an astrologer at this time, I can refer you to 2 amazing astrologers/intuitives in the Seattle area:

*Megan Skinner (www.meganskinner.com)

*Stephanie Gailing (www.planetaryapothecary.com)

Or online, I continue to learn so much from:

*Chani Nicholas (www.chaninicholas.com)

*Ainslie Faust (www.astroainslie.com)

 

Dear Men, my Brothers!

This week I have learned about the existence of a man named Daryush Valizadeh (Roosh V.) who is organizing men world-wide in support of legalizing and condoning the raping of women.  What the fuck.  No, seriously.  WHAT THE FUCK???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Men, my Brothers, please organize yourselves against this war on women.  Please do not let this man create the definition of “Neomasculinity” or brand “Return of Kings.”

Rise up, Men!  You have to speak, you have to act, you have to be heard and seen.  Yes, you have to listen, but so many of you already know what needs to change.

Supposedly Valizadeh is canceling the events that were planned for this Saturday because of death threats and such.  He has garnered so much attention from all of this, become a media sensation.  So maybe we should all just look away and not give him the attention he is seeking and the sick pleasure of outraging almost everyone who learns of his existence.

But we can’t look away.  We, women, we can’t look away.  I’m tired of looking, believe me.  But I’m more tired of seeing nothing change.  Seeing that the illness of misogyny is alive and well (and not just in the form of Valizadeh and his followers) is making me very, very tired.

Hearing women crying, raging, and grieving the effects of misogyny, but not hearing the voices of men is making me tired.

Men, my Brothers, don’t let this man represent you.  Don’t let the teachings of using your sex as a weapon be cast off as “satire” or cause you to simply label Valizadeh as “crazy” and move on to the next headline.

Please, my Brothers, use your voices, use your hearts, and organize yourselves as the real Kings that you are.  Whatever has gotten in the way of remembering the beauty and power that exists at the core of your being, cast it off now!  Shed the lies constantly!  Look each other square in the eye and remind each other of the honor and responsibility that the entire world so badly needs from you.  And please, please, please, whether or not you have children of your own, shepherd the boys of this world to connect to their own humanity and support their tender and precarious growth.

Every man becomes a reflection to these growing boys.

I’m over it, you guys.  I’m tired.  Let me hear your voices, read your words and feel your presence in this walk toward freedom and safety for each and every one of us.

Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu

(May all beings everywhere be happy and free)

From the Gospel of Thomas:

“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”

 

The Matriarchy

 

There is ecstasy in forgetting yourself.

There is bliss in remembering yourself.

All streams are leading back to the Ocean,

darling pilgrim of the heart.

The Ages are shaping you

into a prism of light that carries every experience

and offers every freedom.

Run towards it!

Chase this light as you live, work, love, eat, sleep and dream.

You are the beautiful vessel

for this dance.

*

Come to me

with the light in your eyes,

Come.

Speak to me

in a voice hushed with reverence

for this,

this waking up.

*

Talk to me of everything you know

and everything you’ve forgotten.

I want to hear your stories of redemption, grief, loss and triumph.

I want to know how you became the Phoenix

and how you learned to forgive.

I want to hold the key to your joy

and treat it like it is my own.

*

Please hunt your own heart,

the way you used to hunt the sacred Buffalo.

And I will birth the teachings of our ancestors,

the way I’ve given birth for generations.

And slowly,

the tides of inequality

are turning.

Your voice quiets with understanding,

with feeling and with honor.

You are learning to love yourself again.

My voice becomes clear and resonant.  I embody respect.

There is no senseless seeking now.

The veil has been lifted and the illusions are falling away

to reveal our innocence

and our delight.

We are alive

by some miraculous power.

*

The sublime Teacher

carries our boat along,

like the river

rushing back to the Ocean.

This Ocean

is where the Matriarchy is headed.

*

 

The Balm

The balm is always love.
Whatever it is
Whatever forgetting, the answer remains the same
As soft as the baby’s hands
As necessary as breath
As empty as the space between our cells
Mirroring the space between solid matter
throughout the Cosmos
Which leads to the question:
Is love impartial?
Yes, as Love loves all in all
Love is the response
to Existence
The quietest love
you will ever know.